So, I just found out that some women are doing a reading show called “Don’t Call Me Crazy” — where people do readings about mental illness in order to raise awareness and erase stigma.  One of the ladies, Jennifer Killi Marshall, has her own blog called Bipolar Mom Life, and I’m just getting hit with what I’ve known all along.

I AM an advocate for those with mental-illness. I am an educator. I am a writer and a performer and a person with many creative talents. I am supposed to be using this for some reason, and my fears around it aren’t making me successful, so why not just do what I’m meant to do?

Seriously — I get interviews and I don’t get the job. I don’t know if they’re reading this, but I can’t imagine that they went back to 2004 for some of the really good stuff. So, maybe I’m supposed to focus on what is in front of me — the fact that I have much intimate knowledge about how to live as a dually-diagnosed human being — and I don’t do such a bad job of communicating about it, either.

Still looking for a supportive writing group/people to hold me accountable on the reg. I definitely need that. But, I think I’m going to just try and do what I’ve always done when I’m being on point — tell the truth.


loaving larabar

trying to post a video to the larabar blog and let them know how much i loave their bars. hopefully, this will work. i should have just taken the time to do it straight to mac and then up to you tube. see, larabar!? i am lazy at heart. oh well.

google glitchy

i wondered why crowley was commenting on a post that was two years old. i think i know why now. when i google ‘smussyolay’ my blog no longer shows up. at all. or at least within two pages. i can’t figure it out.

when i google ‘smussyolay blog’ the post that comes up that he posted on is the first hit for ‘smussyolay blog.’ what do you think happened?

i don’t know what YOUR expectations were …

but mine were to be done with great expectations by july. but i wasn’t. i’ll finish tonight. so we can congregate on the smussyolay book blog (see the blogroll) in a day or two. who read it? will hixx lead the way around the first discussions? i hope so. has she forgotten us in her wedding bliss? i hope not, but all will be mega forgiven if she has.

so … fire up those critical thinking skills, people. in minus 12-24 hours.

yay. i’ll have to look to see who’s next by order of comments in that thread. looks like crowley’s batting second. he joked about ‘an inconvenient truth,’ then said no one would like horror and then said ‘catcher in the rye’ is one of his favorites. he’s always free to pick a wild card, though. so, after we get done discussing, you’re up next, g.

four years and counting

it’s my four year anniversary of this blog. i was inspired to write it after reading an article in the trib about flea’s blog. so, i thank her, as well as some of the other first blogs i read … be the boy, soul gardening, panic blog, pinkplaidface and cta tattler come to mind.

i can’t believe i’ve been writing here consistently for four years. it’s a trip. thanks for everyone who reads and comments. (reads, reads and doesn’t comment, reads and comments, and does any other combo.) it’s all part of my journey.

and if you really want to journey, come out and see tributosaurus become Journey next wed. steve frisbie will be taking the lead on several songs, and no one does steve perry like that guy. effin’ beautiful.

reading books is like watching tv

kind of, but not really. but kind of. if i want to feel good about losing hours and escaping feelings and reality, i just whip through a bunch of books (see jan’s list). it’s amazing how i can lose all sense of time and how i feel and what i’m worried about in a book, just like i can with tv, only i don’t feel as bad. sort of. when i realize i’ve done that, i can feel kind of slothful. but it just seems less terrible than telling someone you sat and watched shit tv for all day.

you read two books? impressive.
you watched a bunch of crap tv? lame.

anyway. that just occurred to me today. that i’ve lost myself in books my whole life and it functions as a real escape mechanism. it’s good in some respects and i suppose is just as distracting as anything if i let it be. i don’t know. whatever. this wasn’t a very interesting blog post, or i forgot where i was going with it. i just am trying to keep writing every day. i hope blogging more will get me into book writing/movie writing mode. blah blah.