and so it goes

I wonder how many times I’ve started a post with that over the last nine years. It always reminds me of the Billy Joel song. I knew I used to love that song when it came out, so it’s listed below for your reference (lyrics/video).

But, it’s sort of an “it is what it is” sort of thing when I write it or say it. But maybe a little more sad — like, there’s nothing I can do about this and this is how it will play out. Which is sort of what the song is about, so maybe I’m on to something there.

I am a strong proponent of people who are diagnosed with mental illness being properly medicated. Due to a confluence of circumstances, I haven’t been medicated for about four months. I think I might be falling back into a bit of depression, but I sleep at night, which was previously unheard of, and I’ve been kind of isolated for the last year or so, so it’s hard to tell how much of the shit goes where.

However, I just realized today that I couldn’t even finish an Avett Brothers video, so there might be something to the depression thing. When music (especially one of my all-time favorites evah) doesn’t thrill me, that’s usually a heads up. I thought I was jealous of all the Avett fans that got to see them two killer setlists at Red Rocks this weekend, but I’m thinking that I’m just in the shit a little.

I don’t know why I’m writing this, even. Just to try and keep it up, I suppose. I’ve been doing my meditative writing (i.e. praying) every day and even doing a nightly inventory, per the suggestion of coffee club. Yet, I find myself more pessimistic and less able to keep a rational head about things. I wish … a fish a dish. Who cares. Wishes are stupid. Anyway … from 1990ish, here’s Billy Joel.

“And So It Goes”

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I’ve held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It’s just as well for all I’ve seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you’re the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That’s if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you’re the only one who knows

One thought on “and so it goes

  1. There is hope for you. Turning off the Avetts. The first step in recognizing lame music addiction is recognizing the problem.

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