out of sync

I actually had this post in mind last night, and I had another experience confirm this just now. I don’t know what’s going on, but I just am out of sync with just about everyone that is familiar to me. It’s a lonely place. Maybe it’s just time to shake everything up and do something new.

One of the things I have a hard time with is admitting when I need help, especially when it comes to saying that I need help with a task or would like someone to be my partner in something or do something in collaboration with me — so that I’m held accountable and so that we have deadlines and so that we can bounce ideas off one another.

There are many reasons I am reluctant to ask people to do things with me, depending on what the “thing” is. But one of them is the simple fear of rejection. On a good day, it’s hard to hear “no.” But let me tell you this — I am tired of being turned down and THEN finding out that my other friends are, in fact, doing the things that I’m interested in without me. OUCH.  Artist’s Way. Course In Miracles. Sketch groups. Writing groups. Book clubs.

These are people I’ve specifically asked to be my writing partners, my cohorts in creativity, my friends in finding freedom from procrastination. And I just want to ask them — why? What does it take? Or more importantly, why am I an undesirable? That’s seemingly the issue here. There’s the old adage that everyone you run into is a jerk, you’re the jerk. So, I’d love to know why I’m the jerk here.

There’s other ways, too. I have very close friends where we seem to have been talking regularly just a few weeks ago, and now we don’t seem to have time for one another. It’s all seemed very abrupt and out of the blue.

Again, I’m willing to take the responsibility here. There is a great desire to just run away from it all. Decide that my 15 years in Chicago have run their course, and it’s time to leave. And it may be time to do just that. I’m feeling a wanderlust that I previously have never, ever known while living in this fair city of mine. I’m ready to try something different and completely foreign.

Relatedly unrelated, I had a conversation last night that was *not* out of sync, and just felt familiar and comfortable. In the midst of feeling awkward and out of place, it was a good thing.


5 thoughts on “out of sync

  1. I thought I was the queen of not asking for needed help. Finding a new rhythm can be so hard, but fulfilling wanderlust has always helped me do it. Dreaming of a getaway can be soo reviving too, but moving? Just the thought exhausts me.

  2. First when did the blog turn into a Lilith fair. Where is the testosterone response? Second Chicago and Illinois suck. Once I can move away from this pit that has been ruled by the Dems I will.The answer to your question is simple but blunt. Almost all the things you describe require deadlines to be met. When is the last time you met one, and not some goofy self imposed one that keeps changing? If you are meeting real deadlines I apologize, but I think that is one of the major issues. Move? I’m with you on that, there are no jobs here. I am calling in every marker I have and am barely in the black. My wife, who has skills has been looking for over a year and the best she has been able to get is a part time job making $12,500. They like her and she asked about full time and they told her flat out no because of Obamacare, and that their full time people will be changed to part time. Oh yeah this guy’s a genius.

  3. Ha. I’m getting some new friends and readers because I’m participating in Listen To Your Mother. So, if you want to know about meeting real deadlines, that was one I had and followed through on. I’m really excited about it. When tickets go on sale, buy one or two and come out. 🙂

  4. Well lets see with gas predicted to go to 4.50 by April, no good jobs in sight, and big ears just raising taxes, I doubt I will be able to afford it. This will go down as the worst 16 years of the presidency ever. Bush and Obama are making people forget Carter

  5. Get out now. Chicago was just rated the 4th most miserable city in the US, and Illinois is close to the top in migration. Reasons cited? Taxes and weather. Really if the Repubs were running illinois for over 40 years and it was in this mess, you’d be the first one complaining about failed repub policies.

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