trials and the Tribulation

So, I suppose some of the chapters of the memoir will have to talk about/deal with those years of “hanging out with my fundamentalist best friend,” as I’ve come to term it. There’s so much there, so many layers. As per usual, I have vague memories of a lot of it — not that that in particular scarred me more than anything else — I have brown/blackout memories of *everything,* it seems. Good stuff, bad stuff, childhood, adulthood.  I’m still working that all out, too.  I guess I’ll have to have more chapters (or a book) on my theories about trauma and PTSD and low-level stress and why my brain decides just to switch off the old black box now and again.

But all of that aside, I do remember some things that were talked about in those … what were we at again? Were they Christian education nights? Youth group things? I don’t really know. I know I’d go with her to her Assembly of God church sometimes to things and they’d talk about this or that.  I do remember that amongst all the “end of days” stuff and “rapture”ness, they’d talk about the Tribulation. As I remember, it was this period of time after the Rapture (when Jesus comes back a second time to judge the living and the dead, and all the awesome, saved, holy people just get whisked away right to heaven right there) where you could still live and stuff and maybe make it to heaven if you didn’t fall for the Antichrist’s bullshit.  But the Tribulation was serious … shit was gonna get real, yo.

Now, I don’t subscribe to much of anything that was being thrown at me during those days, but every now and again I wonder or at least contemplate the things that were being thrown into my impressionable young mind.  Or at least I wonder about the things that are now being thrown into my world every damned day. Another mass shooting, another crazy weather tragedy, another crazy tale of animal abuse and torture (WTF, people!?). Not to mention the outright war and famine and all of that. And I wonder — shit, how are we getting this so wrong? How can we not see that this stuff is fully avoidable, fully in our hands to correct?

Some will say that we just know about this stuff because we have Internet now; that it’s always been happening and we just didn’t hear about it because it was on the other side of the country. I call bullshit on that only for the fact that I’ve had regular access to the internet since 1997, and there wasn’t a fucking mass shooting every other week. Columbine rocked the nation because it was unexpected and insane.

Maybe it’s Facebook and Twitter that have accelerated the newscycle; well, not maybe, I know they have.  But there still has to be crazy-ass events to be reported and tweeted and thrown around Facebook.  Even two years ago, I don’t think that there were this many crazy things happening every week.  I could be wrong, and I’m actually not that worried despite the possible proposition that it’s the “end of times.” I just don’t have any time for that sort of thing.  Okay, take me, universe.

Not to mention I’m too busy worrying about the other ways I might die — like the moles that keep popping up with a fierce regularity and the way the other ones seem to be growing in size overnight … maybe not so scary, except I don’t have access to health care, and the referrals I got the other day … wait, over *a month ago,* for an Endocrinologist and a Dermatologist … well, the Endo appt. is 10/12, and I still haven’t gotten confirmation for the Derm.  So. Yeah.

I guess I should just be fine with whatever happens in some respect or trust that “God’s in charge.” I don’t put that in quotes to mock the saying, just to say that it’s something I’ve heard and said many times in the last decade. But it’s only good if I believe it. And then act like I believe it.

This is kind of why I  haven’t been blogging — so depressing, angsty.  But I keep hearing that I should do it anyway, and maybe that’s what I’ll do.  I got another part-time job at Barnes and Noble, and it’s great to be back in a bookstore. I don’t know that it’s super awesome to work at TWO jobs that pay less than a living wage, but I’m happy to be back amongst books.  Yesterday, I came across the section with Jen Lancaster’s books.  She has three or four … memoirs. So, not only is she writing the kinds of books that I want to write, she’s been successful only writing about *herself.*  So, it’s somewhat doable. I just need to do it. Always the rub.

Anyway, if you are going through and trials and/or tribulations, I feel for you.  I just need to keep marching.

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4 thoughts on “trials and the Tribulation

  1. It really is pretty simple. it’s population related. More people = more people on the crazy train.

  2. OK serious ?. So far in the past 3 years I have had major moves in my career, some expected some not, but the bottom line is I was able to do things through contacts. With all the coffee club contacts you have you can’t get something full time? Look I know things are bad, I know folks who have been pay frozen for 5 years, which is why I really have mixed feelings about the teachers, but that’s for another day. My bigger point is, isn’t coffee club almost like a giant employment agency once you have as many years in as you do?

  3. Hey .. edited your comment to say “coffee club” instead of the other … I’m *supposed* to be maintaining anonymity at the level of “press, radio and films,” which included this ol’ web.

    However, to your question … yeah, we take care of each other … but sometimes I apply for stuff that people suggest and I don’t get it. It’s happened repeatedly. Even from outside friends — I guess my resume sucks or something. The one job was customer service, which I am doing right now, so who knows why they didn’t want to hire me.

    So, we’re definitely not promised anything of the sort, but generally people help where/when they can.

  4. Did you have someone do your resume? When I was looking a few years back I did it myself. Why? Because we think we can. Not many hits. I then had it done by a guy, cheap, and there are plenty of agencies that will do it for free. I actually had people say “we are calling you in because your resume stood out”. Lotsa goofy buzzwords that I wanted out and the guy told me absolutely not, because the employors have software programs that pick out the words they are looking for, and those don’t get thrown into the circular file bin immediately so you at least have a chance. Terrible? Yeah, but it must have some truth to it.

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