i’ll take the blue ones

i believe i get things when i’m ready for them. simple as that. i may have bought the book two years ago, but i read it when i’m ready to accept he knowledge; when i’m open to the information. sometimes, i have music for years and just never catch a lyric or i never hear a particular song or an album just never gets me … until it does. and then it does.

 

i had a mix made for me some years ago by a friend. an ex. a friend. a friendly ex. our relationship has always been complicated. simple. simply complicated. honestly, really, stupidly, simple. this song was on there. i don’t know if i never really listened to the mix, or what. i know it was during a time that we weren’t really being friends, so i’m not really even sure how this mix was made or how it came into my possession (mail?) or what.  i just remember getting it and being slightly pleasingly perplexed about the title of the mix “i’ll take the blue ones.” i think that was the name of the mix. and i thought it had something to do with the fact that my favorite color was blue, and that he was being cognizant of that.

i can honestly say that if i heard the song, i didn’t catch a lyric or they never stuck or something.

i borrowed a friend’s car to drive up to wisconsin for thanksgiving, and plugged in my ipod while i was running errands. finding out how to get it on shuffle while plugged into the car’s ipod system, i settled in for a mix of whatever. indigo girls to elvis to fountains of wayne to … what is this song? it sounds really nice. … “i’ll take the blue ones?” wasn’t that the name of that mix that …?

i listened more closely. then i played it three times in a row. by the third time, i listened to joshua radin and cried. after i unfriended him on facebook (which i thought i’d never do), i stopped thinking about him all the time. it was like a psychic weight had been lifted off me. it was a relief i didn’t know i needed or wanted. of course, it came only after getting good and pissed off about something, but still.

i’ve been thinking about him again lately. i hope it’s nothing psychically weird. i hope his family is okay, he’s okay, things are okay — as okay as they ever were. but i heard this song and i just was like, yeah. isn’t that the truth? is this how it is? why? he moved away from here just over a year ago, so it’s been over a year since i’ve seen him and it seems surreal. how do these things happen? how do people wander in and out of your life?

i’ll be honest. i’ve never been good at this stuff. this “people for a season, reason” shit has never been my style. i always want people that i love to stay around forever. i have never quite understood the principle of buddhist detachment so well. or at least, practically understood it. intellectually, i’m aces. but in practice, i’m not so great at it. then again, i didn’t include this song on a mix to myself four years ago, either.

“Closer,” Joshua Radin

So, we’re alone again
i wish it were over
we seem to never end
only get closer
to the point where i can take no more

the clouds in your eyes
down your face they pour
won’t you be the new one burn to shine
i take the blue ones every time
walk me down your broken line
all you have to do is cry

hush my baby now
your talking is just noise and won’t lay me down amongst
your toys in a room where i can take no more

the clouds in your eyes
down your face they pour
won’t you be the new one burn to shine
i take the blue ones every time
walk me down your broken line
all you have to do is cry

photographs and brightly colored paper
are your mask you wear in this caper
that is our life
we walk right into the strife
and a tear from your eye brings me home

the clouds in your eyes
down your face they pour
won’t you be the new one burn to shine
i take the blue ones every time
walk me down your broken line
all you have to do is cry

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