i keep coming here to try and post something. anything. about not having a job. about why someone should hire me. about what my life was like 10 years ago. about losing friends. about missing friends. about ANYTHING. and i find that i’m scared to put it out there. why now? i don’t know. part of it is just the paralyzing fear of manic-depression, part of it is all of a sudden regretting everything i’ve ever written here. part of it is just wondering what the point of everything is anyway. i really want to start smoking again. i quite in march of 2005. a couple of years ago, i had a week (not even?) period where i smoked for a little while and quit again. i think i’m here again. i just want a little bit. okay. let’s break that writer’s block with this. blah.