i wonder what he’d think of that. i remember when i used to smoke and things would be particularly heavy, that smoking up would take it away for awhile. i wouldn’t be so upset or depressed or i could just manage to watch tv or be able to not be so present in my misery. i’m sitting here and thinking about things (again, what a stupid idea) and i’m stalling as long as i can to turn on craig ferguson (ah, the joys of having a DVR). watching his show really changes me a bit … i can step outside of myself and just feel lighter, be silly, laugh at the absurdity of it all. of him laughing at himself laughing at the absurdity of it all. of course, it helps that we think alike anyway — literally, we think alike; we’re cut from the same cloth.
summer can be one of the most beautiful times ever. i’m so happy to be able to be free from the fear of being cold, and i just love to be able to stand outside and talk to people on the phone or not care *too* much if i have to wait a long time for a bus or a train and just feel how magical it is to be outside late at night with no jacket, no sleeves, no long legged pants on. but it can be stupid and cruel when you feel very much alone with no friends to call on. when you feel like no one is there to be counted on. when you feel like you’ve got a whole summer’s worth of good music and movies and ideas all ready to go and all your friends are busy doing something else.
i don’t have an end line for this post. my head is already going somewhere else, and it’s really not good. time for craig, methinks.