watching myself from afar

i’m watching a friend struggle with loneliness and isolation. with doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. with being stuck in the same patterns and refusing to take action to change, in spite of the fact that they are in pain over their inertia. it hurts me to see their pain and know that if they only took a little action and were willing to put forth the effort to effect a small amount of change, they could be on their way to living a different life. or at least kickstarted in a new direction — moved from the apathy and rut that seems to be holding them in a spell of hopelessness and the lie that nothing matters, nothing they do will change where they currently are. i just want to shake them and say, “snap out of it. stop being so self-centered and selfish and get out of yourself. stop languishing in wasted potential and start using your talents to better the world. stop wasting all of your gifts and start participating in life.”

unfortunately, if i’m honest with myself, my life isn’t much different. i find myself working with the same (lack) of motivation and find myself paralyzed with the same fear/s. i find myself listening to the same set of lies and find myself succumbing to the same old pool of pity. it’s just so much easier to find the right path for someone else and to give them the directions out of the the forest they’re in. the way out seems so much clearer looking in from the outside.

i can only watch and pray, but sometimes i wonder if it’s too painful and i sometimes start to wonder if my energies would be better spent trying to motivate myself — the only person i really can change. time will tell, i guess.

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2 thoughts on “watching myself from afar

  1. it can be done, habits can be broken

    have you read A Beautiful Mind?

    don’t be too hard on yourself, sis

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