let’s go dutch treat

i’ve been really sick this week. i’m not the type to run right to a doctor in the first place, and i’m also not the type to want to go storming around, demanding antibiotics. hell, i’m the gal that’s all anti flu shot. so, when i got sick, i figure i’d just have to ride it out a few days or a week and then be done with it.

however, i also know my body pretty well, insofar as certain aspects are concerned, and i know that after 5 days go by and blowing my nose still yields deposits that have … color to them, that i am no longer suffering from a common cold, but from some sort of infection. maybe it *is* a viral infection, but it’s going to need an antibiotic. that is, i think it’s probably NOT viral and it’s bacterial. it’s probably not strep, but it’s bacterial.

how do i know this? well, i’ve been kicking around in this body for 35 years. i know how i handle a cold. i know i get clear snot after a day or so. i know i don’t continue to cough. i know i’m not beat down with fatigue for a week. i know that’s just not things work. i also know if i have all of these symptoms going on a week, that my relatively healthy immune system has been pushed to its limit. it’s doing everything it can and it needs some help. the army needs a ‘surge.’

but for this and at *least* the next paycheck, i am squeezed right to the penny. i am completely fucked. i have no extra money. i called walgreens and found out what the cheapest prescription was that i could get — a good, old-fashioned round of amoxicillin. it would be about $15. i guess i could swing that. i also could probably swing a professional friend who could write the prescription. it wasn’t shady, it’s legit and everything. but it certainly doesn’t beat going to a doctor with a real appointment and all of that.

i can’t do that, though. i can’t go to the doctor. i have several teeth that are also FUCKED and i can’t go to the dentist, either. can’t afford it. not even close. i’m terrified that they probably need root canals at this point, which is even MORE money than the fillings or replacement fillings they once needed. i realized the other day that i’m not sure the last time i had an annual was. i used to be faithful, diligent about it. every year, like clockwork. i haven’t been on the pill in awhile, so maybe that has had something to do with it. and if you’re healthy, you can actually go every 1-3 years. but i think it might be going on something like 4. there’s even a clinic here that is SUPER sliding scale. but you know what? i’ve used their services like that so many times, that i just want to be able to go back when i can actually afford to pay them something close to their proper amount.

and so it goes and so it goes and so i go without medical attention.

i don’t understand all the people who cry out in fear and terror that everyone will have to wait months for procedures if we get national healthcare. i wait anyway. i wait forever. because i don’t have the money to pay for a doctor. period. there’s no waiting list. i just don’t get treated. i just don’t go to the doctor. i just don’t get seen. people might be coming from canada to pay cash for some sort of medical attention, but they must be better off than me to begin with, because i don’t have the cash to pay the doctors they’re seeing, either.

the thing is, i’ll fucking pay for it. just like i used to pay for it when i was at companies that offered health insurance in a big enough group where my pre-existing conditions didn’t matter and the price wasn’t so situated that it was too stifling to even think about trying to pay the premium each month. instead, i checked ‘yes’ to PPO and dental and they cut that shit off the top of my paycheck each month, and for all intents and purposes, i was no more the wiser, no worse for the wear. it was no different than any other tax for this or that or social security.

so do the same fucking thing if i pick the government plan. take the money from joe at his company when he pays for his company’s AT&T BCBS plan. and take the money from my check when i pick the white house plan. easy enough. i’m even chipping in. that’s fair, isn’t it? i’m not even asking for it completely free. i’m just asking for the CHANCE to try and have what others have. i’m just asking for the opportunity to try and live a life free of the fear that i will perish from some sort of preventable, treatable disease. that i will have to be in pain or distress from some symptoms that could have been alleviated if i could have been working with a professional. if i could only believe that my life was as important as someone who worked in the office next to mine.

that’s all i’m asking. i’ll even go dutch treat.

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