french silk pie and diet coke

it’s always sort of amusing to watch someone order a big dessert and then order a diet drink. as if they are canceling one another out. sometimes, i know from experience, you just want the diet drink for the taste or whatever, but i do know people who order the diet drink so they are being responsible in the beverage department. and it seems so ridiculous to think the calories they’re saving on cola are going to help when they’re having some triple fudge turtle sundae or something.

unfortunately, hypocrisy is often not so innocent. its effects often are not so sequestered to one person or one moment. hypocrisy often has a wide birth of influence, touching many lives and going much deeper than the diet of a compulsive eater. often times, hypocrisy will corrode the thinking of someone so badly they can no longer see the true from the false. i guess it’s not hypocrisy that corrodes the thinking. that’s the symptom. that’s what comes from the disease of self-righteousness. being so completely positive that you’re right. it’s then that hypocrisy blooms, because no one is perfect and it’s hard to always march to black and white standards, what with life being so many shades of gray.

for the life of me, i cannot figure out how people can say they are pro-life and pro-god and pro-jesus and then seemingly without guile, look people in the face and say that murdering another person was the right thing to do. i cannot figure out which part of the bible they are reading. i cannot figure out what part of jesus’ teachings they are following. i do not know their god.

even by simple logic. ‘thou shalt not kill.’ that’s pretty straightforward. it doesn’t say, ‘but if you think you have a really good reason to do so, you can step in and decide when is a good time and then go for it.’ when jesus lays down the golden rule. when jesus says we must forgive our brothers seventy times seven. when jesus says that the first person who has not sinned may cast the first stone. but seriously, ‘thou shalt not kill.’ that’s pretty straightforward.

and then there’s the nuances of it all. i just don’t know when it ever says we get to be the arbiters of god’s laws. when it says that we get to be judge and jury. if anything, i’d think that these people would feel so terrible and horrible for these people’s souls that they’d be on constant prayer vigil for them, praying that they would find the lord. praying that they’d find their way to a clear soul, to salvation. and i’m not joking or being snide. i’m being completely serious. i don’t know where in the scheme of things you kill someone and get to heaven and god says ‘you’ve done my work well.’ if anything, it’s “you were out of line, ” or “what were you thinking?”

i just think that these things are between god and that person. for full disclosure … i’ve never had an abortion. that’s the thing. i believe in a woman’s right to choose. i don’t want children. but i’ve also been pretty careful. sure, i’ve put myself in positions where i could have been in a place to have to made some decisions i didn’t want to make, but like so many other things in my life, i just didn’t have to be in that place. i don’t know why. i’ve been blessed in that regard. i don’t manage my money well and i can’t seem to eat right, but i’ve been blessed in a lot of other ways.

i say that to say that it’s not like i have a secret shame about something that *i’ve* done. but i have lots of friends who have had abortions. and they have had varying experiences. and NO ONE can know their hearts. i know that by and large, they all have had a lot of feelings and lasting impact around those experiences. they didn’t take the situations lightly. they still mourn and grieve to some extent. so, for people to make assumptions about these women and what they are going through is not fair and is incorrect.

but to today. i still don’t understand how anyone can kill a man and say it’s in the name of any god i know. i still don’t know how that’s not a terrorist act. you aren’t acting the way i want, so i will commit violence toward you. i don’t like you, so i will invoke fear upon you with hatred and physical damage and death. i despise you, so i will come at you with the worse thing i have. at your church — a place that is sancrosanct.

it’s beyond me. now, my job is to see where i can have forgiveness in my heart. and not let this get me all crazy and perpetuate hate and anger and all of that. but it’s so perplexing. it’s so baffling. i just can’t see my way around it.

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