to sleep, perchance to dream

sometimes i start to write subject lines and i think ‘i’ve definitely used that one before.’ but i’m too lazy to look it up and it’s late and this post will probably already be one of *those* posts.

so, it’s fall. a friend of mine told me he was lonely tonight*. i nodded and smiled. it’s this time of year … makes me introspective and melancholy. makes me lonely, too. when spring comes, i often wish i had someone to share it with, but the mood is light. when fall comes, i wish i had someone to share it with, but the mood is down and sad, sometimes.

the thing i crave and miss most isn’t sex. i obviously am good at going long periods without it. but it’s just human contact. i feel like i’ve said this before, too, but i just want someone to fall asleep with, to nap with, to cuddle up and watch movies with. and i just don’t see that happening any time soon. and the fact of the matter is, these daydream fantasies i have are just that — fantasies. i know better than to think i could find a guy friend and just nap. it never seems to work out that way. it gets dangerous when you get physically close to someone like that. at that point, i really do think nature takes over sometimes.

i think americans are so touch starved. if we touched each other more without any promise or hint or suggestion of sexuality, we’d all be a lot happier. if i could get a massage once a week, hell, i’d settle for once a month, i think i’d be happier. i definitely think that’s a lot of my problem.

*i started writing this a couple of nights ago, and another guy friend told me that he was lonely tonight, too. strange.

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