uh oh

i don’t know what to do. i don’t want it to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. i’m not sure how much i should be on guard and how much i should let go and just ignore things. but i’m thinking about having to go to work tomorrow, and i’m just dreading it. and the thing is … i’m not dreading it so much as i just don’t want to go. i want to stay home, sleep in, nest and clean.

and the thing is … i’m not dreading work. there’s nothing unusual going on there. nothing bad happening. nothing big. i just feel the change. the light. the dark. the dusk and the sunset happen way too early. and i should remember to take my meds RIGHT NOW because these days of staying up to 1 and 2 am and being able to pull it off are over. if not now, soon.

sigh. like i said, i am trying not to make it all “i know september is coming so i’m getting ruined on purpose.” but i just realized that i’m just not looking forward to work for no other reason than i don’t want to get out of bed. already. for fuck’s sake.

gotta get the SAD lamp with the next paycheck. pinky swear.

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