i’m cleaning. and nearly every time i clean, i end up lost in this old notebook or that old folder or whatever. and i just came across this letter to an ex that i never sent (obviously, since it’s in this huge sketchbook). and it just got me to thinking. i worry about my chances for ever being with someone on a permanent/semi-permanent basis.
i think i’m just too intense for people. i read this letter and while i guess i still agree with the sentiment in it, i see it and i feel the emotion behind it and i can see why people are just like … whoa. it’s too much. you say too much, you feel too much, you’re way too much. i’d probably print it here, but there’s a point where it actually gets *intimate,* if you catch my drift.
and i’m not embarrassed by that, actually. if i’m loving someone, i like that i can write all sorts of ways, including ways that express all facets of my personality. but, i don’t really need to post that in a public forum at this time. at least not what i wrote in that particular letter.
POINT BEING, that i guess i wonder if that’s just who i am and the right person will deal with it or enjoy it or appreciate it, or if that’s part of an addictive personality around relationships that i still want to have changed or healed or worked on. i don’t know.
more cloudy day thinking/cleaning/blah*.
*the new james sounded good. if i have the money, i think i’ll go see them. talk about nostalgia.