it’s more than a "you had to be there."

people really don’t get the physical allergy part of alcoholism. so, all this itching and scratching is really quite a thing. it’s all over, it comes and goes and pops up in random spots. one spot on my leg is pretty intense. so, i work with acupuncturists and they have a lot of different herbs and stuff and stuff i’ve used with a lot of success.

today, they recommended a particular herb and because i’ve found them to be helpful in the past, i was on board without much thought. however, in the past, i’ve taken herbs in pill form. today’s was in a liquid, and as the woman squirted a dropper and 1/2 full into my mouth, my first reaction was that it was bitter, which i expected from herbs.

the second was … there’s alcohol in this. there’s no two ways about it, this is alcohol. like if i were to drink vanilla straight out the bottle. and a part of me thought, ‘this isn’t that big of a deal.’ but, i already was going round about how much it was. something was telling me by the tingling in my mouth and way it lingered that it wasn’t just a hair.

she gave me the bottle and i looked. sure enough. 18-22% by volume. for those of you counting at home, that’s 36-44 proof. it says on the bottle “to evaporate alcohol, place drops in hot water.” i might give it one more shot doing it that way, but if it still tastes boozy, i’ll have to give up the ghost.

the thing is, i made a joke about it being “bittery deliciousness,” but i don’t think they had a clue how it set me off. i wasn’t going to run out and grab a drink, but it definitely put the safety off the trigger. BIG time. and they got the joke, they know i’m a recovering drunk-y, but i know they just couldn’t have had a clue how a drop or two of this shit could have piqued my interest so much.

and to some extent, i couldn’t really have, either. i’ve speculated before — there was one time i wasn’t thinking and i made myself a chai tea latte at home and i thought .. oh, i’ll add some of this vanilla extract in here and it will be delicious! — not thinking that it would be akin to throwing a shot of booze in the shit. duh.

but it’s definitely fucked with me a little. but i’m glad i “talked” about it here. i’ll blab to some alkies, too. it’s just bizarre that 6.5 years later, it’s just instantly on. instantly. i’m glad i got the reminder. doesn’t take but a nip. crazy.

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