anyone in the market for some used carnival rides? all summer, you’ll see these random carnivals in parking lots all over the city. me, i’m a tilt-a-whirl girl. always have been. and for most of my teen years, i was terrified of the thought of a roller coaster. finally, my senior year or something, i went to great america with my best friend and she literally dragged me on shock wave (R.I.P.) and i loved that shit.

i was not afraid of roller coasters, then, and we went on the demon and the tidal wave (R.I.P.) (1) and pretty much everything else. however, the last time i remember being on a big roller coaster was being high out of my mind on batman in the front car with my boyfriend, scott, in 1994. however, i don’t really remember much of my life (2), so one of you will probably tell me i was on a roller coaster with *you* in some subsequent year or something. whatevah.

anyway, since it’s been over a decade and the fact that i’ve gotten sober since, i’ve had it in my head that i’m scared of roller coasters again. well, some friends and i found one of these carnivals a few weekends ago and we bought tickets for some rides and i was all about the tilt-a-whirl (natch) and this and that. but then they were going to go on this gravitron-y ride and it looked kind of freaky, but let’s face it. i hate to be left out. so on it i went. and for two seconds i started in with the “oh, i would hate to fucking die on some shitty fucked up carnie ride. what the fuck.” and then i thought, “dude. you can spend the next 2 1/2 minutes scared out of your mind and miserable or you can let go and have a fucking good time.” and i did a total 3rd step move. i literally *made a decision* to turn my will and life over to the care of the gravitron. and god. i fucking just leaned back and let go and my eyes blurred and i fucking had a mini fucking psychedelic moment. and of course, i was fucking hooked. what a junkie.

and there was one ride there that was sort of a big deal. the zipper. of course, it cost 5 tickets instead of 4 or 3. but my friend, bill, wanted to go on it. and i really wasn’t that sure about that, but i was sort of on the junkie kick and was careless and reckless and what the fucking it. and we went on that zipper and holy motherfuck. what a great time. and now all i can do is think “when will i get to go to another carnival?” see? see how this mind works? it’s not wired like other people. that’s how i know i have obsession of the mind. it’s how i know i’m definitely suffering from sort of spiritual malady.

anyway, i think i can take on six flags again. bring it.

(1) the tidal wave. that fucker was a short ride, but it was pretty bad ass. first of all, i had a friend asking about it the other day, and i don’t know if he was trying to pull everyone’s chain or what, but he couldn’t deal with the fact that it wasn’t a water ride. dude. it was just called the tidal wave. who knows why. second, when we were there on that trip with my best friend and this other dude, paul, paul and jenny were in the car together, and i guess he was all, “hold your hands up when we go upside down.” well, the big deal about the tidal wave was that you started still and then shot forward and went upside down like immediately. you went from 0-55 in like 1 second or something ridic like that. well, i guess he throws his hands up and ends up practically on the floor or something. it was pretty funny.

(2) my friend, james, who is always tossing around these bizarro science words and words regular people never use, tried to tell me i had paramnesia or some shit the other night. i have *that* all the time. but i don’t know what the word is for wholesale blankness. whatever. he also used to say his cat had acromegaly. wack.


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