i’m not drunk, but i’m fucked up

my life is UNmanageable.

i just spent an HOUR doing myspace karaoke by myself. i NEED to be in bed. i NEED to be doing other things if i’m going to be staying up til all hours. like …

shit for this bid commmittee and
laundry,

for two.

fuck. for fuck’s sake. fuck.

p.s. somehow i got into a convo re: coke tonight. and even though the LARGE gist of the conversation was about how fucked up it was and how small my world got when i was drinking and drugging and all of that shit, there was a brief moment where i thought it would feel good to be wired out of my fucking mind. i know that’s NOT THE TRUTH. but, i just thought i’d say that. i’m still a drunk and i’m still an addict.

and what’s even weirder is that i was talking with someone who still does coke occasionally and he thought it was weird that people did coke every 20 minutes when they were doing coke. i thought *everyone* did coke every 20 minutes when they were doing coke. wasn’t that the point? who knows. i didn’t have a very long coke run, thank god. but, i sure liked it when i had it.

whatever. i don’t need to think about or talk about coke anymore. not even diet coke. i need to stop that shit, too. man. i didn’t eat enough today and now it’s 3:16 am and i’m still up like a dumbass. fuck.

this is why september comes and i feel like i’m in a fucking well hole.

blah. how’s that blog? great.

i miss you guys. i’m sure you miss me too!

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