the honey/sweetie conundrum

loaded words. very loaded words. “honey.” “sweetie.” “sweetheart.” “darling.” it’s all a matter of perception. a very fine line. it’s weird. i’ll admit it’s a double/triple/quadruple standard. or one standard. mine. when, who, how, where, why and what.

when i feel like it.
who says it.
how they say it.
where we are.
why they say it.
what is going on.

it’s just a bizarre thing. sometimes, guys/men say that shit and it’s a total condescending gross out. like, ‘who the fuck are you to call me honey? are you fucking kidding me?’ if you don’t know me, it’s so ridiculous to think you can use such an intimate term of endearment.

and i guess why it’s an intimate term of endearment is this … it’s not really *that* intimate term. people toss those off all the time. and that’s why they’re cheap and useless and used to address people in lower status or people whose name you can’t be bothered to remember or people who you want to show that you can boss around. and normally, that’s men showing women what’s what. and it’s nasty. and we all know it. but people who are waiting tables and trying to get some semblance of a tip from you are really probably going to smile and nod and grit the hell out of their back molars, doing damage they don’t have the dental insurance to fix.

it becomes intimate because if i know you well enough to let you call me honey, we’ve got something going. i trust you to know you consider me an equal. hell, you say it because you like me. maybe you love me. maybe you really even have my best interests in mind. people like that can call me ‘girl’ or ‘baby’ or other things i wouldn’t even allow other people to THINK toward me.

here’s where it gets stupid … when people who are younger than me start calling me ‘kiddo’ or ‘sweetheart.’ it’s weird. i guess it’s just my ego, but i don’t get it. it just seems like this weird posturing power play thing — this ‘playa’ thing they kind of do. this persona they put on where others are ‘sweetheart’ and ‘kiddo,’ and because i have this baby face going, i get lumped into these categories. it’s people like these who have me convinced i’ll never be ‘beautiful’ or ‘sexy’ to anyone. they make me mad.

here’s where it gets confusing … when i meet someone for the first time and i really dig their vibe and then maybe in one of the next few times i’m around them, they lay a ‘sweetie’ on me. ‘thanks, sweetie.’ i’m all of a sudden flattered in some weird way. i know that it still falls into the playa move and i know that it’s positively ridiculous, considering i don’t know this person from anyone, but there’s a little part of me that longs to hear these terms of endearment. there’s a part of me that wants people i like to like me back. oh, validation fulfillment. and it bothers me. cause it shouldn’t be so flip-floppy. i should have some sort of standard. but it’s always so fucking random.

sometimes it’s like nails on a chalkboard.
sometimes i want to claw your eyes out.
sometimes i want to laugh in your face.
sometimes i just want to smile.

who knows. hell if i do, sweetie. (did i mention, i drop the honey/sweetie bomb in various contexts myself?)

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