have you ever been in a group of friends or co-workers or church or something and things have been really good and then something happens — could be very specific, could be something huge, could be something small, could be something indefinable, could be something you can’t put your finger on, could be something you don’t even know about or can’t even articulate — and everything seems wrong? or at least you feel that way? you feel like you just don’t fit in anymore? and you want so much to have things be the same or to not have to leave or to find a way to make things be better or to make people understand or to at least figure out what the problem is in the first place?

and you wonder where the line is between trying to make things work and just walking away, finding acceptance and letting go? have you ever been there?

i know change is ongoing. everlasting. the only thing that always remains the same. but i find myself resisting endlessly nevertheless, and it always causes me so much pain. it’s fucking heartbreaking, really. the resisting runs contrary to all the spiritual principles i hold dear.

and yet, there are some things i find harder to let go of than others. it’s all fear, people. it’s all fear. sometimes, i don’t even know what i’m afraid of.

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