i love my baby flan

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i love my baby flan, originally uploaded by smussyolay.

i’ve told the story about how i got my flan before. but the subject has come up recently about pets and kids and how the two relate. i just started to type the following: “i understand that humans and animal life is not exactly the same. i am not suggesting they are exactly, 100%, equivalent. but they sure come close.”

and then i took pause. what exactly was i saying? i felt uncomfortable with the above sentences. it felt wrong to me. i was confused. i believe my cat and i both have a soul. i believe she is a sentient being as well as i am. i believe we both need basic things in order to live *and thrive* — food and shelter … as well as affection, attention, and security. i believe it is my job to care for her needs as she cannot entirely take care of them on her own at this point (as i would for a child or an older person). and much like a human who cannot entirely communicate their needs, it is up to me to make some determinations about what is good for her and what is not, and to the best of my ability make sure she is in the best physical, emotional and mental state of being, since she has been entrusted to my loving care.

the only thing that differentiates her from a human is that at some point i will not be able to financially care for her should her health fail to a certain point, and i can tell you this … there are people in this world that would much rather be allowed to be euthanized than to have to be forced to rot away in some ratty nursing home hospice situation with horrid bedsores until they die, just because they are human beings and we think it’s some horrible thing to let some pass from this earth rather than let them suffer the most horrible of indignities by holding on to them or ignoring them while their spirits are chained inside the shell that holds their spirit.

again,i digress. however, to suggest that i have never administered medicine to my cat or waited a sleepless night for her to return from the cat hospital is ludicrous. to think she has never awakened me from a sound sleep or done something that has turned my blood cold (ever have your kid missing for a week?), is just plain wrong. to think that i will outlive this beautiful, vibrant, wonderful piece of my life is absolutely heartbreaking, and i refuse to let myself think about it. regardless if you think it insulting or overdramatic, i liken it to someone who has a child that they have and cherish and love and just can’t get enough of, only to realize one day that they will only live to a certain age. that they, the parent, will, in fact, outlive their own child. what heartbreak, what a terrible thing.

again, say what you will, but i love this soul unconditionally, and she’s most certainly the only thing that has loved me back the same way. she and i have an understanding and connection that i have had with nothing else on earth. i don’t allow myself to think about the possible end anymore, it’s pointless and doesn’t do me any good. nor her, really. but, i will tell you that should the day come when we can’t share the same vibes on earth, i will be incredibly sad. it will be losing a friend, a confidant, a companion that i have known for 13 years. someone i have lived with and moved with and talked to nearly every day. someone who has seen me through happy and heartbreak. someone who has determined my habits and quirks and ways of speaking (smussyolay, anyone!?).

she’s my daughter, and sometimes, she acts like my mom. (is my face that dirty, flan?!?) you can call me a crazy cat lady. i’ll be kind of offended, i only have one. but really, i don’t care. i don’t move without her, and if you won’t date me because of her, too bad. if you can’t get on board with the flan, you most certainly can’t get on board with me. i’m the flan mom, and that’s really all there is to it. it’s all smussville from here on out.

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