shit talkin’

last chicagoist happy hour, i found a colleague of mine who absolutely did NOT want to hear any stories about farts (1) or defecating.  it was strange to me, as most people don’t go around jacking their jaws about such matters, but should the subject come up, especially after a few beers, people are usually pretty quick to jump in with their own stories, faux pas, gross-outs and the like.  she didn’t want any part of it, though.  interesting.
 
however, if you’ve been a reader of this blog for any amount of time, you’ll know that the subject of going to the bathroom comes up quite often.  i have bathroom etiquette that i think should be followed.  i have a family that farts and belches like champs (although what prizes they’re winning, god only knows).  and as every comedian or person with any sense of humor knows … farting is ridiculously funny, for some reason.
 
well, as i came up with my potential stand-up routine (whatever happened to that? chicken!), i decided that i’d have a gimmick to help me get into things.  cause, really, all my stand up comedy is going to be is me telling stories to some extent.  i watch people on comedy central that i find funny (2) and really, mostly, they’re just telling stories that are real and relatable and ridiculously funny for some reason.
 
my gimmick is to have a list of topics — possibly in jeopardy form — that people can choose from.  the holidays, scarred for life, food, etc.  and one of them is going to be ‘the bathroom.’  what can i say? i have lots of stories.  obviously, right?
 
(1) we couldn’t call them ‘farts’ in my house.   we had to call them ‘toots.’  it was okay at home and as i was younger, but as i got older and clearly heard my classmates calling them ‘farts,’ i knew i could never bust out saying “i tooted” to any of them.  but fart seemed strange and awkward tripping off the tongue, especially since my dad nearly regarded it as a swear word. (sucks and piss weren’t exactly okay, either.)
 
(2) i’d first come to know demetri martin from brief guest appearances on the daily show.  then, i recognized him in the video for the first single of the latest fountains of wayne album, “someone to love.” (catchy little song, there.)  and the other day i was sitting at home and an hour-long special came on with him and it occurred to me that he’s really, really funny. and also that he might be our generation’s steven wright.
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