winter mix

not to be confused with the “wintry mix.” but here i sit in the basement where i have had christmas, where i have gotten drunk, where i played nintendo. i am sitting on my grandma’s couch and listening to a mix cd i made two winters ago. death cab, BNL, frisbie lead off. it’s a melancholy one to be sure. there’s so much i wish was different.

***i came back to edit this because i wanted to get rid of all the jacked up extra characters. however, since eric asked how i wanted things to be different …. these were the sort of things running through my head …

i wish my grandma were still alive
i wish my mom would go to al-anon
i wish i felt closer to my friends
i wish i had a different childhood
i wish i had a partner
i wish my dad could feel okay in his skin without drinking
i wish my sister would return my calls
i wish i could be closer to my niece and nephew
i wish i wasn’t in such bad financial shape

however, this is what i’m grateful for today ..

1. great indie pop music
2. the ability to choose from so many meetings in Chicagoland
3. meeting up with my old schoolmate Richele and being asked to participate in this group of people in recovery
4. my cat, flan(nery o’connor).
5. the knowledge that God’s got me while I’m looking for a job
6. my sponsees
7. the roof over my head
8. clean laundry
9. the superb weather we had at my parents’ house last weekend
10. coming up to milwaukee to see crowded house on friday.

so … that’s some of what i was/am thinking.

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