okay. finally. i’ve told this story in real life, but i’ve been meaning to tell it here for a long time.
so, hops. i had hops, who was a holland lop, before i got flan. he was mega smussy and pretty friendly for a rabbit. he’d make these little buzzing noises (bzz bzz) and hop around my legs in a figure eight. smusstastic.
however, when i got flan, i didn’t pay as much attention to him as i should have anymore. he was always fed and watered, but he didn’t play with me anymore after flan got bigger than him. or, i should say, i didn’t play with him. hops died after about 2 years, and i’ve always felt guilty about it. (although not guilty about burying him in the backyard of my apartment complex whilst smoking a bowl.)
so, i’ve carried this guilt with me for a long ass time. i was telling a friend in AA about it and he said to me, “have you asked your higher power for forgiveness?” it seemed so simple, but i had never thought about it. sometimes when we do our 9th step amends, they end up to be “on our knees,” meaning amending in prayer. if someone is already dead or we just shouldn’t go to them in person (because it might “injure them or others”), we can amend in prayer to god.
i thought that this was a great idea and took it to heart. i had already been seeing lots of rabbits in the yard of the rectory of st. matthias church, which was right on the next corner of the block south of my house. they really seemed to dig it there, and i had been noticing the little rabs and how cute they were.
however, after i asked god to forgive me for my shabby treatment of hops, god made it very clear that i was, in fact, forgiven. i couldn’t stop seeing rabbits. everywhere. on a late night bike ride, on sidewalks, in places i wouldn’t even expect. i also saw/noticed that a couple of neighbors had these little bunny statues in their front yards. it was bunnies, bunnies, bunnies. it seemed so crazy, but it was true.
and what’s even weirder is that there have been a couple of times since the major bunni-ness happened, where i will think … “i want to see a little rabs. i want to know that god’s with me,” and even though i looked in the rectory yard very closely before thinking that, i look back one more time and there … is … a rabbit. seemingly popping up out of nowhere. cool.
so, that’s my little rabs story. god and bunnies. i love it.