it’s amazing what a disconnect there is when i go home. how people there are content to live in small-town wisconsin, which is one thing, but how they really don’t have one concept of why or how i would want to live in the third biggest city in the nation. i was over at my grandma’s house with my dad, looking at some of her books that i wanted to have, and before we got up to the door, some of our old neighbors were at my grandma’s neighbors’ house. they live right down the street, and they were obviously having some drinks and maybe dinner together. ann and pete were *our* neighbors for a long time growing up, and we stopped and chatted with them for a bit. then, we went into the house and looked around and such. when we were done and came out, ann saw my chicagoist shirt and asked me if i liked it down there. i said, “yes, i love it.” i hope people realize that i mean that with all of my heart. i’m not blowing smoke up their ass. i truly, honestly 100% love the city. so much. and the mini bastardized skyline is on that shirt, and i think that came up and i said, “every time i see her, i get choked up. every time.” and again, i don’t think they get it.
i don’t ever take chicago for granted. that’s the thing. every time i come south on 94 and see her, or north on the dan ryan or north on lake shore drive and see that skyline, i just beam. being on a bus or passenger in a car and seeing lake michigan – really seeing it – i get fresh eyes and i realize what a beauty i live right next to, and how often i don’t even see it or use it; how i take it for granted. i love it when i end up in the occasional random building on michigan avenue for a focus group or something and they’re on the 25th, 35th floor. and i look out on the lake or down on michigan or westward over the city, and i’m always amazed. and i think … do they ever notice? are they jaded? do they ever notice a gorgeous sunset? a great storm rolling in? sometimes, when i’m out in wicker park or downtown or anywhere where there’s an el and i’m outside talking with someone and the el rolls by (especially when it’s late at night), i often remark how much i love my city. that i’m living in a city where the el still runs 24 hours a day. i’m constantly falling in love with chicago all over again. with the old things and with all of the new things i didn’t know about her. i hope i have a relationship like that someday. i love the options, i love the opportunities. i’m limited in wisconsin.
i just ended up in a mini knock-down, drag-out (drag-down, knock-out) fight with my mom just before i was supposed to leave today (i’m on the train right now, writing), and she basically said i need to get a job and get my life in order and the reason i didn’t have one was because i didn’t want to get up for work. and i was like “fuck this, fuck you.” and i left. started walking. and i’m a stubborn son-of-a-bitch (?), so i really wasn’t bluffing. seriously. i was going to get home some way, some how, and i didn’t give a fuck how. but in all honesty, i knew it was going to be much harder than even if i was trying to do it from naperville. i’d have options there. not so much in wisconsin. to do megabus, i’d still have to get to milwaukee. i was going to miss my 6 pm train, but to get the 8 pm, i’d have to get to sturtevant. 20 miles away. cabs? not so much. buses, not existent. again, i am a stubborn motherfucker (?), so i didn’t care. but, i was sure that it was going to be an ordeal. my mom pulled up next to me, and i was not eager to get into the car, and i told her no way. she said, please. and truth be told, while i was happy not to have to go through the many machinations that were going to get me to the train station (or home, for that matter), i 1. didn’t think we were even going to make it to the train station and 2. knew that she would get hell from my dad if it turned out that i didn’t go with her for some reason. again. i’m not trying to get all shiny shiny and act like i was doing her some great deed, but i was perfectly willing to take care of things myself. cause i get crazy like that. anyway, the point being that i have options at least when i am in chicago. i have a chance to move myself around the city. there’s no options when i am in WI. i don’t know what the fuck people do when they get DUIs (DWIs) in sconsin. seriously. get jobs next door to their house?*
p.s. was it not the coolest thing that paris hilton got ordered back to jail after she got told she was coming home due to a ‘medical condition?’ ha-ha! sweet. i love that shit. it’s ridiculous that i know more about that than i do the horrific war we’re in, but i still am glad she’s going back. gross-tastic.