late-night chow down taunting

i’ve been seeing commercials for red robin recently (check the pseudo food porn music on the site!). i have no clue what this place is; i haven’t seen any in illinois. at least not in chicagoland. i always think it’s interesting to see commercials for places i am unable to frequent. it’s even weirder when local celebrities are involved. the only time i ever ate at a sonic was in arkansas*, but i see local improv celeb tj jagodowski in sonic commercials all the time. they’re pretty funny, too. and wholly improVISed. tj and dave pasquesi (strangers with candy and lots and lots of chicago improVISation and other things) do a great two man long form improv show. they’re going to be performing at friday’s looptopia. i’m looking forward to it. i really love dave and tj as people.

*speaking of eating fast food in arkansas, i’m sure i’ve told this story a million times, but it’s still pretty funny. my friend, jeff, and i had taken a trip down to see jen. on the way down, we stopped in memphis because i wanted to see graceland. i had gone previously with my then boyfriend, scott, but we got there and it was closed. i wanted to see it at least once. we went and left memphis a little later than we had intended. jen had given me directions for a scenic route along the “pig trail,” a route that locals took from little rock back to fayetteville, where the university of arkansas in fayetteville was. we didn’t have cell phones, i suppose, and didn’t call from the road to let her know we’d be later than anticipated, so she could have warned us and given us the more straight shot via a highway.

instead, since i end up doing the lion’s share of the driving when i’m with jeff, and especially during night drives, i found myself on the pig trail, which was a two lane road, which wove and winded and wheeled and dealed and threaded itself up and down and around mountains and molehills. in the pitch black. there were times i would have to slow down to 10 m.p.h. and the road would literally double back on itself. i kept the secret fear that we would pitch off the road into endless blackness and end up the victims of a horrible stephen king novella to myself. eventually, we made it to jen’s and she was quick to fix me a captain and coke. thank goodness. anyway, we made our way to the dart room, where the shots of liquor were literally served in highball glasses and were four/five fingers deep. whew. nothing like drinking straight tequila or jager straight for three or four long drinks.

so, we ended up pretty wasted and hungry. our guides, matt and jen, graciously drove us through the hardees drive through, where we proceeded to order copious amounts of food. jeff wanted something that wasn’t on the menu, though. the glorious monte cristo. it wasn’t on the menu. this was a fast food place. what made him think they would have it? he slurrily said, “they’ll have it.” and matt ordered one and they didn’t even blink an eye. and then he ordered one for himself, and we careened home. oh, the good ol’ fucked up i can’t believe i even made it out of there alive days.

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